Monday, December 6, 2010


OK, I really am not one into cologne, but I recently rediscovered this retro classic.  Maybe it has to do with the fact that the first time I received this as a gift was in the mid 1970's from a guy I used to blow on my paper route.  He was married, about 30 and always smelled of sweat and Pierre Cardin.  One Christmas, he gave me a bottle of this scent and a $10 tip.  Fuck, that was a lot back then.  Not to mentioned some of the best oral sex I ever had.  He loved sucking me just as much as I loved going down on him.  Rediscover this classic for yourself, or buy it for that special fuckbud this holiday season. 

Did I mention the phallic shaped bottle?  YUM!

One straight man remembers...
It's a Friday night in 1980. Your best friend calls you and asks you if you want to go to the roller rink and hang out. Cool, you say. What time will you and your Mom pick me up? (Hey, it's a five mile walk...) As you look into your closet trying to decide what to wear, you start thinking of that girl who hangs out a the roller rink and is always checking you out. Maybe she'll be there tonight. You take extra care in picking out your clothes: a skin tight pair of Jordache jeans, a plaid Daniel Hechter sports shirt and your prized gold serpentine chain. As you're putting it on, your eyes fall on the little bottle of Pierre Cardin cologne that you swiped from Woolworth's at the mall. You pick it up and unscrew the chrome top and sniff of it. The aroma is heady. It's kind of lemony and kind of spicy and rich. Nothing like that stuff your Dad has under his bathroom cabinet. That smells like the barber shop. This smells classy, even though it's sort of cheap and you could've paid for it; but after you smelled it in the store something excited you and stealing it only added to the excitement.
You hear the car horn and run downstairs and throw on your red bomber jacket and get in the car. Your friends mother tells you how nice you smell. You blush. Your friend says something about hockey practice. When his Mom drops you off she tells you to keep warm because it's late October and it really is starting to get cold. You go into the rink and it's the usual. Round and round in circles to songs like "I'm Turning Japanese" and "Heart of Glass".
That girl you were thinking about isn't there. There are other girls, equally as interested...but your heart was set on her. Finally, after the hundredth circuit, your friend gets bored and whispers to ask if you want to go behind the building and smoke a joint. Why not?
When you get out there, it's almost too cold to smoke, but you can clearly smell your cologne, almost as strong as when you put it on and somehow even better smelling in the cold air. Your best friend lights the joint and suggests that he shot-gun it to you. You nod. He inhales and you both move in until your faces are almost touching... The next thing you know his lips are on yours. You're full on making out. Your best friend is telling you how awesome you smell and it's like the world has turned upside down in three seconds. Is it your Pierre Cardin? Maybe not...but so much for that girl.

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